What’s the best small talk for an introvert at a work event?

Each week Dr Kirstin Ferguson tackles questions about workplace, career and leadership in her advice column Got a Minute? This week: dreaded small talk, guilt over an unwell colleague and a disheartening mid-career job hunt.

I’ve just been promoted to a new executive level role at a small company and have to attend a two-day conference with many potential clients. I am an introvert and though I have built our company’s offering and believe it’s great, I find it difficult to break the ice and talk with people I don’t know, and find it even harder to “sell”. Do you have any good introduction lines or small talk advice?

The biggest thing to remember is that if you try to “sell”, no one will want to talk to you, so stop thinking that is the aim of this specific event. You are there to learn and, by extension, meet people. The good thing to know is that meeting people at a conference is the same as you may meet people in any situation, just through being yourself.

One tip you may already realise is people enjoy talking about themselves, so I suspect you could get through two days – and make some strong connections for future business opportunities – just through asking questions. They can be simple, like, “What did you think of that session?” Or, “Could you make sense of that weird case study the presenter told us about?” Anything, really, that can start you chatting. Listen carefully, and maybe ask a follow-up question. It really won’t take long and the conversation will flow naturally.

Do not, I repeat, do not think you need to do a sales pitch. Honestly, nothing will ensure the end of a conversation more quickly. If and when the time is right, that will follow the conference once you have established a rapport and trust with the person. Build the relationship first and the rest will follow.

My promotion came because someone else had a breakdown. Everyone congratulated me, but all I can think about is the colleague whose job I’m now doing. She’s still on sick leave. I wanted this opportunity for years, but now I feel guilty every day. How do I get past that?

I am going to make a presumption that you didn’t cause your colleague’s breakdown and then take advantage of it. Instead, it sounds like a vacancy arose, you applied and your employer believed you were the right person for the role. If this is the case, you have nothing to feel guilty about, and should never feel the need to apologise. The best you can do by your colleague is undertaking the new role professionally, speak respectfully about them at all times, and support their return, if and when they’re ready. You clearly deserved this opportunity, regardless of how it came about.

I’m a 49-year-old content and communications professional with more than two decades’ experience across marketing, communications and copywriting. Since having children, I’ve mainly freelanced and taken contract roles, so I haven’t held a management position for many years. My diminished self-confidence has left me less fluent in corporate language than most of my peers and I know I don’t sound impressive in interviews. I’ve been trying to secure a decent role for more than three years, but so far, I’ve only secured a few junior, poorly paid roles which I hate. I feel like a failure and know that, if not for my husband’s income, I would be close to the breadline. I’m open to doing something new but the idea of starting at the bottom at my age is disheartening.

What struck me most reading your letter was how hard you are on yourself. While you may feel like a failure, all I read was a description of someone who has managed to maintain a non-linear career while juggling family responsibilities. Someone who has worked across a changing industry through the advent of digital through to AI and no doubt had to pivot their skill base and adapt their thinking regularly. This experience is invaluable.

First, please don’t try to sound more “corporate” in your interviews. It won’t be authentic and most employers are not looking for more buzzwords. Just be yourself. Show how the work you have done and explain how it will add value – share your portfolio, your results and the wise judgment you have shown over so long.

Second, you might like to consider broadening your search to working on projects, change programs and even executive support. You may need to start in a short-term role which can often lead to something permanent when your employer sees the value you bring. Good luck.

To submit a question about work, careers or leadership, visit kirstinferguson.com/ask. You will not be asked to provide your name or any identifying information. Letters may be edited.

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