Source : Perth Now news
For most women a positive pregnancy test is something that is celebrated, but for Geonju An, it would be the start of an anxious nine months.
The young international university student soon found herself in a foreign country with a boyfriend not wanting anything to do with the pregnancy, and she was afraid to tell her parents.
In fact, she did not tell anyone she was pregnant, nor did she seek any medical help.
And when it was time to give birth, she caught an Uber to the hospital.
Statistics show one-in-five mums and one-in-10 dads will experience peri-natal depression and anxiety, affecting about 100,000 Australian parents each year.
Despite the numbers, more than one-in-three parents say their peri-natal check-ups focus on their baby’s health, and fewer than one-in-three parents are screened for mental health during pregnancy.
After giving birth to her little girl Ellie, a social worker referred Ms An to Mum for Mum, a not-for-profit organisation that provides new and expectant mothers with free weekly emotional and social support.
She was matched with Amanda Poole, a mother herself and a trained volunteer with Mum for Mum.
“I wasn’t actually sure if I wanted to meet her because I’m so introverted,” Ms An told NewsWire.
“But when I met her she was so lovely and friendly and she really loved Ellie as well,” she said.
Ms Poole met with Ms An and Ellie for weekly visits.
They would go on walks and spoke a lot about telling Ms An’s mother about the baby.
“She knew that I hadn’t told my mum, and she kept asking me, ‘Do you feel like talking to her now and then?’” Ms An said.
“I was afraid how she would react and then we made fun, like maybe I would tell her when Ellie turns 18, but then my mum would miss everything.
“One day I was like OK, ‘why not call right now’ and phone her. Amanda was holding my hand.”
Ms Poole said she and Ms An spoke through how that conversation might play out before Ms An made the call.
“She did have a relationship with her mum, but she was overseas and it wasn’t consistent, they probably only spoke a few times a year,” Ms Poole said.
“She thought she would shame the family, and I think having a baby out of wedlock looked differently to what it does here.
“We ended up going over every curve ball together, we talked a lot about what it would look like in great detail and she decided she would like to tell her mum.”
Ms Poole wrote Ms An’s mother a letter that night telling her how brave, dignified and respectful her daughter had been through a really difficult time on her own.
Ms An’s mother would then FaceTime every morning, join Ms Poole and Ms An online for their weekly coffee at the park, and also came to Australia for a visit.
Ms Poole said without her support she didn’t believe Ms An would have told her mother, and she just needed some extra encouragement and somebody next to her.
“It’s changed her life because that connection is way stronger than what it was before she had the baby,” Ms Poole said.
“She now has this beautiful relationship with her mum and it’s a community for her in the sense that she is not really deeply alone.”
Despite the 12 months being over, Ms Poole remains close with Ms An and says she probably will be forever.
She also urged other young expectant parents to reach out for help.
“Do not be afraid to reach out because the hardest part is to ask for help,” she said.
“There’s no shame in asking for help. It doesn’t mean you failed, it shows courage.”
Parents want mental health support during peri-natal period
Peri-natal Mental Health Australia chief executive Alicia Yelavich said every journey to and through parenthood was different.
She said there may be times when parents simply need support like a listening ear, a compassionate conversation or helping hand, but when the bad days outnumber the good, parents should seek help.
“Parents actually told us that they would like a healthcare provider to ask about their mental health and not just their babies,” she said.
“We found there’s a huge opportunity to ensure parents are part of the conversation early and that healthcare providers and support networks recognise the importance of asking parents how they’re going and not just at the six-week check-up.”
Ms Yelavich said parents were now more aware than ever that it was OK to talk about challenges and mental health issues.
She said the demand for services had increased significantly in the last six months and support needed to be available when parents looked for it.
“We’ve got a huge opportunity to help those parents that are actually reaching out for support to make sure that they can actually access the support that they need,” Ms Yelavich said.
She said symptoms could present as reduced joy in activities that previously brought enjoyment, difficulty in concentrating or making decisions, increased irritability, problems sleeping, appetite disturbance, not coping, and feeling like going crazy.
“Things that go beyond just the baby blues,” Ms Yelavich said.
“Mums, dads, non-birthing partners, everyone can be affected. It’s a whole of family unit, it’s not just the one that is birthing the baby that suffers.”
