Source : THE AGE NEWS
My colleague talks with food in their mouth, and it is driving me mad. It constantly happens. I have tried to ignore it, but recently, I had a “straw that broke the camel’s back” moment when I asked this colleague a question as they were having a drink of water. Instead of swallowing it and replying, they tilted back their head slightly and replied with the water sitting in the space in their lower jaw.
My question: is there a good reason for this behaviour and if not, is it OK to ask them to please stop?
If your colleague talks with their mouth full and it’s seriously impacting your workday, it might be time to raise it with them.Credit: John Shakespeare
I’m glad you asked whether there might be a reason that you hadn’t thought of because, as I’ve said before in Work Therapy, it’s all too easy to jump to ungenerous conclusions at work. Especially when a co-worker is doing something you find irritating or offbeat.
They’re an idiot, they’re an oaf, they’re a weirdo, they’re uncaring. These are neat, undemanding conclusions, but the truth behind behaviour can be – and very frequently is – so much more complex than that.
Anxiety, for example, could be a possibility. By that, I mean that if a person is generally nervous about verbally interacting with co-workers, a conversation could lead to intense self-consciousness and maybe even fear. What comes across as bad manners to you, may for this colleague be an important distraction or social crutch.
Or, the person may not be anxious so much as hyper-sensitive to the natural tension that accompanies a pause in conversation. While it’s typical to think of a small moment of silence in a conversation as no big deal, perhaps they think of this as unacceptably awkward and rush themselves.
If you’re being spattered with food or find that they are verging on inaudible, yes, definitely bring this up with them.
The drinking episode does sound odd, but it makes slightly more sense if you think of it as a way of dealing with an irrational sense of urgency. Ironically, what you find (understandably) discourteous may come from their desperate need to avoid seeming impolite.
There might also be a cultural reason. Although I’m not familiar with any particular group who has an established and ubiquitous custom that encourages talking with your mouth full of food or drink. We’re not talking about slurping ramen here.
And, yes, it may just be outright rudeness. It certainly is if this colleague knows how unpleasant you (and many others) find this behaviour but does it anyway, just for the hell of it.
The problem is that this is really an etiquette thing. And while some table manners rules are based on entirely practical and sensible premises (knives are sharp: don’t lick your knife), some sit at the more quaint and arbitrary end of the spectrum (don’t put your elbows on the table).
If talking with your mouth full is impeding your speech or sending specks and globules flying into the space in front of you, the “don’t talk with something in your mouth” rule seems decidedly logical. If, though, you’re speaking while chewing gum or holding a cough lolly in your cheek, it starts to seem a bit petty.
There’s not too much that is “objectively” true when it comes to these matters. Everyone has different reactions to different things, including sounds. Indeed, for some people, tolerance to certain sounds is so low they can cause distress and anxiety. This is called misophonia or selective sound-sensitivity syndrome.
So my question back to you would be, is your reaction more visceral than logical? Or is this person’s behaviour affecting you in a meaningful, unavoidable, intolerable way?
If you’re being spattered with food or find that they are verging on inaudible, yes, definitely bring this up with them. If this is an odd, slightly off-putting quirk that doesn’t really change the way you work together, maybe the best resolution is to err on the side of discretion.
Send your questions to Work Therapy by emailing jonathan@theinkbureau.com.au
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