Source : the age
In a now-viral video shared to Instagram last week, Australian podcaster Chris Griffin talked about what he sees to be an ideal relationship dynamic: men going off to work and making it big, while women stay at home and play house. Welcome to 2025, where everything old is new again.
According to Griffin, “a man that’s got a busy life, that’s chasing his dreams” needs a stay-at-home girlfriend or wife so he can truly succeed and reach his maximum potential; someone on hand to offer up “calm”, “harmony”, “peace and love” at the end of the day.
Host of The Pocket podcast Chris Griffin.Credit: Instagram
What they don’t need, Griffin says, is a woman “complaining about your day when we don’t need you to make money”. One reason for this is that while men benefit from experiencing challenges and learning to overcome hardships in their lives, women don’t need to do that in order “to be an amazing girl”.
I could write an entire thesis about what’s wrong with the many things Griffin said in this almost two-hour episode of his podcast, but in the interests of staying sane, I’ll stick to the financial assertions – namely, that if a man earns enough to support his family financially, then a woman should give up on her own career or financial ambitions and focus on staying at home.
To be crystal clear, there is absolutely nothing wrong with women choosing to take time out from their careers or permanently giving up work if that’s what they want to do. I am fully on board with and endorse women doing what’s right for them and their family.
But there is something wrong with a partner pushing that on someone else, rather than an informed and empowered decision that she makes for herself. Most importantly, the cost of doing what’s right for you, your partner and family shouldn’t be a financial expense worn solely by women.
Women are earning less than their partners, despite doing just as much work. It’s amazing we’re able to offer any peace or love at all.
As report after report and statistic after statistic show, opting out of paid work, even for a few years, can have serious long-term financial ramifications for a woman and follow her for the rest of her life. Because of that, ensuring you and your partner are on the same page and that you’re protected before you step away from paid work or reduce your working hours is critical.
This includes discussing what the day-to-day financial setup will be, all the way down to worst-case scenarios. For example, are you provided with a stipend or do you have unlimited access to a shared account? If you see something you love and want to treat yourself, do you have to seek permission before hitting “add to cart”?
Are you equally entitled to any savings put aside during this period? Will your partner contribute to your superannuation? Does your partner have income protection and life insurance policies in case they lose their job, are injured or die unexpectedly?
What happens in the event of divorce? Will your partner contribute to your retraining so you can re-enter the workforce at a later date? Are you equally liable for any debt incurred during your relationship?
Before asking any of those questions, however, I’d recommend starting with a simple but powerful inquiry that can tell you a lot about not only the role your partner sees money playing in your relationship, but also your individual roles within the relationship: is this your money or our money?
If your partner sees it as their money, which he is giving you or granting you access to, you have a problem. This suggests he sees your contribution of unpaid labour (which is still work) as less important or somehow less valuable than his financial contribution. It also veers towards financial abuse.
As Respect Victoria explains, “when your partner begins to monitor and judge what you’re spending your money on, or stops you from getting involved in your household finances, it can be a sign of increasing control”.
If, on the other hand, your partner sees their financial earnings as just one way of contributing to your lives together, and recognises that your unpaid labour at home is another contribution, then that’s a sign to continue the conversation and start putting protections in place.
Conversations about money can be uncomfortable, but there are many reasons why sorting out the nitty-gritty early on is worth any temporary discomfort. When it comes to superannuation, for example, women are still retiring with 21.3 per cent less super than men, although we are likely to live four years longer than men, and thus need more.
Part of this gap comes down to the gender pay gap (which now sits at 21.8 per cent), but it’s also in large part because we’re more likely to take time out of the paid workforce than men.
As tempting as it might be to write off Griffin, call him an outlier or other names, and say you’ve never even heard of him, the reality is that content presenting as chivalry and aspirational care that actually perpetuates financial abuse and social regression is becoming increasingly popular online. Griffin himself has more than a million followers.
Also consider the fact that women make up 68.5 per cent of part-time employees in Australia but only 38.4 per cent of full-time employees. That’s millions of women across the country earning less than their partners, despite doing just as much (if not more) work.
It’s amazing that we’re able to offer so much calm, harmony, peace and love at all, really.
Victoria Devine is an award-winning retired financial adviser, bestselling author and host of Australia’s No.1 finance podcast, She’s on the Money. She is also founder and director of Zella Money.
- Advice given in this article is general in nature and is not intended to influence readers’ decisions about investing or financial products. They should always seek their own professional advice that takes into account their own personal circumstances before making any financial decisions.
