source : the age
Q: When my neighbour’s in his backyard and I’m hanging out my washing, I never know whether to speak to him through the fence. Do you think I should initiate a conversation? J.S., Castlemaine, VIC
A: This reminds me of that TV dating show Love is Blind, where couples meet without being able to see each other – except you’ve got a fence instead of a shimmering wall, and you’re hanging laundry instead of sipping champagne, and you’re just hoping for a friendly chat with a neighbour instead of hoping to choose a life partner by their inner beauty alone (before immediately dumping them on the big reveal because they’ve got a face like a scrunched-up knee).
Apart from these minor differences, it’s pretty similar, so you should definitely initiate a conversation, if not to find love, then just to discuss the weather, or bitch about Sunday-morning leafblower-man, or suggest building a new fence because this one is held together with nothing but woodworm excrement.
Keep in mind that they’re probably not expecting a conversation: they may be deep in thought, doing what many of us do in our backyards: circling aimlessly in our underwear, despairing about the state of humanity, pausing now and then to scoop up a possum turd with a firm leaf. You don’t want to frighten him, so ease into a conversation gently. Let out a soft cough so they know you’re there (just a polite throat-clearing, nothing too tubercular). Then try a chummy, “Hello, neighbour, is that you?” – repeating it several times in case your voice is drowned out by their sobs of despair.
And if there’s no reply, they either don’t want to talk, or they’re wearing headphones, or they’re an armed intruder about to burgle the place. In which case, carry on with your laundry-hanging. Oh, well: you tried.
guru@goodweekend.com.au
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Danny Katz is a columnist for The Age and The Sydney Morning Herald. He writes the Modern Guru column in the Good Weekend magazine. He is also the author of the books Spit the Dummy, Dork Geek Jew and the Little Lunch series for kids.
