Ram it: Why do we fawn over NFL when our own football codes have it all?

Look, just as Australia has to suffer the annual cultural cringe about how staggering it is that rugby league teams get to play in Las Vegas because, you know, Vegas is so glittering and our cities are all so grey and maudlin, this carry-on about the NFL being in Melbourne is just embarrassing.

Might I, for a moment, set the record straight?

Australian rules, rugby league and rugby union are much better games than American football, both to play and to watch.

The American pundit George F. Will captured it perfectly: “Football combines two of the worst things in American life: violence punctuated by committee meetings.”

In our games, any bastard can score, any bastard can be the hero of match. In their game, it is pretty much only the quarterback, the running back or one of the receivers that gets to be the regular hero.

In our games, every player has agency. In their game, you are being moved around in a match of human chess, with the coach calling the shots.

In our games, you don’t need heaps of heavy equipment and carry-on, but can get a match going with a free field and the right shaped ball. In their game, you have to be part of the sporting industrial complex to even get to first base.

In our game, concussion is unfortunate collateral damage. In their game – and I played it for a season in Ohio in the late 70s – your head never quite stops buzzing in both training and games from the endless clashing of helmets.

It’s fine that the NFL is here for a visit as a cultural curiosity. But the game should never take hold here. Our games are better!

The Bers are back

Rah! 23 years ago, your humble correspondent recounted the story of how, over North Sydney way, “Somebody most likely a small child in a red-and-black beanie, or possibly a league forward on his way home from pre-season training scrawled in wet concrete on the footpath bordering Willoughby Road at Crows Nest, ‘GO THE BERS’.

“TFF reader Scott Mclean always thought this summed up the Bears nicely: local support; optimism as another season began; and ultimately, close but no cigar.

“Sadly, oh so sadly, North Sydney council has recently redone the footpath and the graffiti, like the Bears themselves, has disappeared.

“Now, as the nights grow cold, and we grow old, all that is left is us we few, we dwindling few, who remember. The mighty Bers are gon.”

But no!

As we know, they are coming back next season. And as it happens, you’ll find the opening game of the entire 2027 schedule will be between two foundation clubs from 1908 – the Rabbitohs and … the BEARS!

It will be played at the Bears’ new home base of Perth. Stand by to hear “Carn the Bears!” once again ringing out from the Lower North Shore, as in days of yore, after a three-decade hiatus.

The call will be as forlorn as ever, of course, but that is the tradition, and it will be good to have it back. And having the Bears v Souths as the opening game of the season is a good move.

Walk of life

Back in 1974, five girls met at Villawood North Public school and formed an inseparable bond, as girls often do, like sisters. It’s a bond that endures over 50 years later. So many experiences and memories, so much water under the bridge as they paddled their canoes together, through careers, marriages, children, grandchildren, life – and, lately, one sojourn up Shit Creek.

Every day, 58 women in Australia are diagnosed with breast cancer.

Last month, one of the five, Sandra, received her diagnosis. Last week, she underwent a double mastectomy. She faces more treatment, but she is staying strong, positive, and has her loving family and her four best friends with her for whatever lies ahead. At least, she noted after the surgery, she’d lost five kilos.

To shine a light on breast cancer, and to support Sandra, the five girlfriends have signed up for the 58-kilometre Walk for Breast Cancer Challenge to raise funds for the Cancer Council. Their team’s name is Sandra’s Angels, and all proceeds from the Challenge go to the Cancer Council, supporting the one in eight Australian women who will be diagnosed with breast cancer by the age of 85. Brava, mesdames, and all strength to you, Sandra. You can support her here.

Best of the West

I thought I recognised the name, and I was right! Alert readers will have been following my colleague Kate McClymont’s reports on the ICAC’s Operation Rosny, which is broadly investigating Liberal Party rorts on the NSW hard right wing.

The whole affair is being presided over by Fabian Gleeson SC, who was a very good back-rower for the Western Suburbs rugby club back in the late 80s. When I meet him, I shall lie at his feet and scream to see if he recognises me. (That Western Suburbs pack, led by the great Bob Lamaro, was fearful back in the day.)

Another rugby connection that might interest the cognoscenti is that the new secretary of the ACTU, Melissa Donnelly, is the younger sister of Tim Donnelly, the Waratahs and Australian Sevens fly-half of two decades ago. Just in case you were wondering!

When I checked with Melissa, she replied instantly: “I spent my whole childhood being called ‘Tim Donnelly’s sister’, so if you ever use it, make sure you call him ‘Melissa Donnelly’s brother’.”

Brains of the bunch

TFF attended an Icons of Rugby lunch at the Four Seasons Hotel on Wednesday featuring Mark Ella and Christian Cullen. I’ve heard both Ella and the former New Zealand fullback Cullen speak several times before, and they are both excellent. But on this occasion it was Ella who carried the day.

His best yarn concerned his original decision to become a rugby union five-eighth after growing up as one of twelve children in La Perouse. Back in the 60s, he shared a bedroom with his twin brother Glen and younger brother Gary, and though there were a lot of pick-up football games on the streets of La-Pa, the game they played through primary school was league, in which Mark was a hooker.

When they got to Matraville High, however, the great coach Geoff Mould was running the show, and the game was union. Asked what position he wanted to be, Mark said “five-eighth”.

“What are you doing?” Glen said, “You’re a hooker. Don’t be stupid.”

“I’m going to play five-eighth,” Mark insisted.

By halfway through the season, Mark went back to Glen.

“Do you see now? At five-eighth, I don’t get tackled, I don’t make a tackle, and I’m always Man of the Match.”

“You are the smartest,” Glen replied.

Brought the house down.

Meantime, speaking of icons, our Cauliflower Club Rugby Lunch of the Decade on October 16 – the day before the Sydney Bledisloe Test – at the Fullerton Hotel, featuring Richie McCaw, Senator David Pocock, Tony Abbott and Jacinda Ardern, is going gangbusters. With 650 tickets sold, we are well on our way to selling out. But you can still get tickets if you are fast. Thank you!

What they said

San Francisco 49ers coach Kyle Shanahan on how the time in Australia is different: “We’re a little confused with — when I look at my clock and it says a time and then I try to see my family’s time and then it says the time, but it says yesterday. I don’t even get how that’s possible.” The mind boggles.

Shanahan continues: “So I feel like I’m in the future. And then also when we play on Friday, which I think is a Thursday in the US, we’re such creatures of habit. So I call today Tuesday. No, wait, sorry, I call today Wednesday. Which is the first day we put in a game plan. But I think it’s Monday. However, though, it’s Sunday in the present. Friday’s the final part of the game plan. Saturday, we walk through and we play on Sunday, which is a Friday in Australia and a Thursday in the US. So, don’t ever make me do that again.” Call off the fight!

Australian cricket selector George Bailey on Marnus Labuschagne keeping his place in the Test squad because there is simply no one to replace him with: “[We’re] not shying away from the fact that we’d like some more runs from Marn, that’s clear, but we’re also confident that he can still make a positive contribution to that squad.”

Axed North Melbourne coach Alastair Clarkson on allegations he made inappropriate comments ahead of their match against the Swans: “I was trying to explain about the four Ps – the piss, the punt, the penis and the powder – and how it was so important they make the right choices and that they would all find themselves in situations at times, and sometimes these wrong choices can destroy your careers and sometimes ruin your life. Three minutes later, I spoke to them again and explained what I was trying to say.”

Clarkson on his firing: “They chose to dance on my grave . . . Any deficiencies I’ve got – and you know that I’ve got them – to be absolutely blindsided like that. How we all feel to be so publicly humiliated.”

Leigh Matthews on how Clarkson was treated: “Not only did they show him the door, they kicked him in the arse on the way out.” But, with a few notable exceptions like Jai Arrow, isn’t that the way professional sport works?

Aryna Sabalenka on the smell of cannabis at the US Open: “It’s a bit tricky to handle that smell while you’re trying to compete at your best. I don’t know if it was coming from the crowd or was from the outside because the wind blows it into the stadium.“ Perhaps Trump could send out drones to zap dope-smokers?

Ange Postecoglou on why he can’t watch Ted Lasso after being compared to him: “That guy came from a different code … I’ve come from the same code, do you understand? I know it’s a different country, but football is my game. I haven’t come from cricket into football. That annoys me. And because it annoys me, I didn’t watch it.“ Geez, Ange. Earnest, much?

Wallabies skipper Harry Wilson after the disappointing 28-28 draw against Argentina: “The boys were hurting with the result. We really wanted to win that, and there’s a lot of disappointment. We’ve obviously had a few wins in a row, and to get a draw tonight is not ideal.”

The partner of outgoing Gold Coast Titans hooker Sam Verrills, Teagan Parker, on him leaving the team: “Thank god that’s over.”

Mitch Moses on Parramatta losing 24-22 to the Dragons in their final time at bat for the 2026 season: “We came with a shit attitude and thought we’d get it dished up.”

Latrell Mitchell on James Tedesco taking umbrage at his big hit on Roosters young ’un Toby Rodwell in last week’s match: “He’s got my number. If you’ve got a problem, ring me.”

Team of the week

Penrith Panthers. Normal service resumed as they won the NRL minor premiership.

LIV Golf. Filed for Chapter 11 protection. Chapter 12 should be a doozy, as they work through recriminations as to who was most responsible for the whole catastrophe. Paging Greg Norman. Paging Greg Norman. Are you there, Great White Fishfinger?

Easts. Won a second Shute Shield in three years.

Eleanor Patterson and Cameron Myers. Aussie high jumper and 1500m runner won their respective Diamond League finals.

Australia cricket team. In Zimbabwe for some one-dayers, to provide a little – a very little – streaming wallpaper.

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