‘Albo just can’t be trusted with Kylie’: Taylor brings the zingers to grand final breakfast

Alastair Clarkson’s epic St Vincent’s de Paul dummy spit following his sacking as Roos coach and Kylie Minogue were the default plays for laughs by political leaders at the annual North Melbourne grand final breakfast.

Sport and politics is an intoxicating mix, and like a moth to a flame the political class was well represented at the event where more than 1000 guests kicked off their grand final day over scrambled eggs and champagne at the Melbourne Convention and Exhibition Centre.

As is tradition at the breakfast, now in its 60th edition, head table guests were introduced to the room with a song.

North Melbourne president Dr Sonja Hood and chief executive Jen Watt were introduced with a voice-over describing them as “two female leaders who managed to be too woke and too ruthless at the same time”. Their song was Stronger by Kelly Clarkson.

The elephant in the room was, of course, Hood’s decision to suddenly exit North’s coach Clarkson earlier this month.

It was a topic that Hood did not broach, but Deputy Prime Minister Richard Marles alluded to it while addressing the room.

“While a Fremantle premiership may feel as likely as finding a complete set of coaching gear at a St Vinnies op shop, in this world stranger things have happened,” Marles quipped in a cheeky reference to Clarkson dumping his North jackets at a local op shop after his sacking.

Federal Opposition Leader Angus Taylor, who as an interstater thankfully didn’t pretend to be an AFL diehard, also went for laughs with a Clarkson line.

He said he recently received a North Melbourne cap from the club.

“The cap already takes pride of place in my Parliament House office. I won’t be dumping in at a Vinnies store in Hampton,” he said, before adding a surprise One Nation reference.

“You know, I shouldn’t be too rough on North Melbourne. You’re a few years into the rebuild. They show a lot of promise. They’re currently struggling against the orange team.

“A bit low on membership and definitely on the up, so, who knew that North Melbourne had the trajectory of the federal Liberal Party?”

He also added a Kylie and Anthony Albanese zinger, based on the PM’s regrettable comments on the Bush Deep podcast in July.

“Kylie was such a big star and the prime minister is such a big fan that he’s had to delay his return from New York. Albo just can’t be trusted with melons [or] with Kylie, but thank God, Richard Marles is here to save the day,” he said.

Hood was sporting a Kylie Minogue T-shirt and tipped Minogue to be the big winner from Saturday’s big dance.

If merchandise sales are anything to go by, Minogue has already had a blinder.

Powerbrokers and politicians at the breakfast included Seven boss Ryan Stokes, Herald and Weekly Times chair Penny Fowler, Victorian Premier Ben Carroll, Victorian Opposition Leader Jess Wilson, AFL chair Craig Drummond and chief executive Andrew Dillon, senators Jane Hume and Bridget McKenzie, state MPs David Southwick, Brad Battin, Nick Staikos, Steve Dimopoulos and Anthony Carbines, Western Australian Deputy Premier Rita Saffioti, Brisbane Lions president Andrew Wellington and Fremantle president Chris Sutherland.