I’ll tell you why these Wallabies are genuinely a threat to end Eden Park curse

The Wallabies vs All Blacks Test this evening at Eden Park? Bring it on, bubba. I don’t say we are going to win it. I don’t even say that my Kiwi friends are nervous.

I do say they are unaccustomedly … wary. Every day for the last fortnight, text after text, call after call, email after email has a similar theme. Say, Fitz, these Wallabies lately look … different.

Yes. I know. A [W] after their name in five of their last six matches, with the other one a draw, does that to a team.

But, more than that, it’s because of the confident way they are playing, the clear capacity they display in the forwards to win their set pieces and then do serious damage in the forward thrusts. In the backs we’re seeing lots of derring-do, derring-done on the fly, in scintillating fashion! In the air, Max Jorgensen has been imperial, while Joseph-Aukuso Suaalii has at last been unleashed.

It’s also because while in previous years our blokes have found more creative ways to lose just when they had the game in hand, lately it’s gone the other way. They’ve found the way to win right when everything was going to hell in a handcart. (Four yellow cards in 10 minutes? No problem. Play on!)

And it’s because a fortnight ago they were on their way to putting 50 points on the Springboks, before those four yellow cards did indeed drop. I repeat: 50 points! Against the back-to-back world champions.

I repeat-repeat. I don’t say we are going to win and get a little pinkie on the Bledisloe Cup itself. After all, when you are playing an All Blacks side at Eden Park that hasn’t lost at that venue in the last 53 Tests, and Australia hasn’t beaten them there in 40 years, you have to figure that, as we say in the trade, “shits is trumps on the blind”.

But there is no way around it. These Wallabies are looking more genuinely dangerous to the All Black domination than they have for a quarter-of-a-century.

Can’t wait. I told you: Bring it on, Bubba!

Classic grand final?

Listen, the capacity of rugby league to come up with one-point margins is extraordinary and to be commended. But let’s be frank. Last Sunday’s effort didn’t remotely cut it as a grand final for the ages. Phil Gould called it “the most dominant one-point game” he’d ever seen, and it was that.

For compare to the drama of Sunday’s effort to the last one-point NRL grand final in 2015. I can still see it now. Can’t you? The Cowboys were behind by four points with seconds left on the clock in regulation time, against the Broncos, as the ball came to Cowboys maestro, Johnathan Thurston, on the left-hand side of the field.

Watch now, as every Bronco within cooee goes for him. Thurston shimmies, he shakes, he back-tracks, he keeps the ball alive, against all odds, looking … looking … looking for someone on the boil. There! He unleashes the perfect pass to Michael Morgan on the fly, who draws every last Bronco now desperate to nail him! Which leaves … ? Kyle Feldt, alone and unmarked on the sideline. Morgan gives a perfect pass, and Feldt goes over! Jubilation, as never before.

But can Thurston kick from the sideline, to win it? Cowboys veteran Matt Scott doesn’t care, particularly. He goes over to Thurston, as he lines the kick up, and says to him: “Don’t worry if you miss the kick. We have got the game. We will win it from here, whether you slot it or not.” Goosebumps!

Thurston’s kick hits the posts. The game goes into extra time. And of course – who else could it be? – Thurston kicks the winning field-goal for a great Cowboys win, 17-16!

That, friends, that was a one-point win for the ages.

But last Sunday’s effort was not that. This was a Roosters side that, despite having oodles more speed, talent and weight than the Knights, did little more than hoist the ball high and sending Marky-Mark through in the cynical belief that that would be enough. And they were right – sadly. The Roosters were worthy victors, sure. But if the Knights had garnered just two points, this column would have been a rightful bohemian rhapsody as to how their play was emblematic of everything we love about sport, instead of what that match was.

A little awkward

The major talking point before the NRL grand final – and afterwards, seeing as you ask – was the disaster of the pre-match “entertainment”. I knew I’d take heaps of flak for criticising the concept last Saturday, and was wrong. Not even a single nark-bark came my way. Not a tweet, not an email, not a call. There was a tiny bit of support for it on social media, but for the most part the response was a meltdown of derision.

Look, adding the equally Motor Neuron Disease afflicted Wallaby Nathan Charles to sit beside Jai Arrow was a nice touch, true – as it widened the whole thing out to be awareness of all sufferers of MND, not just Arrow. But nothing could change the sheer awkwardness of singer Amy Shark touching Arrow on the shoulder and fist-bumping Charles and singing You’ll Never Walk Alone – as if she was their close friend, and would always be there for them – when, in truth, all moves were pre-ordained by whatever the NRL marketing machine had decided she would do.

And yes, there was a furious spin put out afterwards that it had been a great thing to do, which included Peter V’landys continuing to warm to his previous theme that the $1 million saved by not paying a top artist like Tones and I would be put towards grassroots rugby league.

Rugby lunch of the decade

With next week’s Bledisloe Cup in Sydney, look out for the streets to be awash with enormous Kiwis, boasting fetching scars around the eyebrows, and the odd cauliflower ear. One of them will be iconic All Black captain Richie McCaw, who on Friday will be appearing at our Cauliflower Club lunch, with David Pocock, Jacinda Ardern, Tony Abbott and Nathan Charles. We are also likely to have Wallaby Fraser McReight.

We’ve all but sold out our Rugby Lunch of the Decade as we’ve badged it, but you can still get a few tickets, if you are fast.

All profits – and I mean every cent – goes to those badly injured by sport.

What They Said

Newcastle Knights coach, Justin Holbrook, after the 19-18 grand final loss to the Roosters: “Couldn’t be prouder. Just so disappointed for my players. Nearly got there. From the first week of the finals to beat Souths, then go to the Warriors and beat them, then to beat Penrith with 12 men. One thing I know is we’ve got a very good footy side. We know that, and we can’t wait for next year.”

Roosters coach Trent Robinson on what his star winger Mark Nawaqanitawase was like when he first came to league: “His arms were painted on when he came across. He could not tackle. He wasn’t sure where to be, but it has been a real pleasure to coach someone with such freedom and care at the same time.”

Phil Gould in commentary for Nine (publisher of this masthead): “This was the most dominant one-point victory we have ever seen.”

Kalyn Ponga after coming from wooden-spooners last year, to a one-point loss to the Roosters: “I’m definitely proud of this club. This community. I’m super proud.”

Rooster Spencer Leniu: “I definitely felt God’s presence today, and I had to give all that glory back to him.” I know. But you do it. Quietly. I’m tired.

Jon Rahm’s attorney, John Beck, said his client is leaving LIV Golf: “Mr Rahm has independently reviewed the proposed terms of LIV 2.0 and has determined that those terms are unacceptable to him, and he will not be participating going forward in LIV 2.0.” Can the last one to leave LIV hide the bone-saw, and turn the lights out?

Queensland Olympic Committee on their leaked logo: “Consider this your official reveal. Inspired by our reef, beaches, hinterland, and everything in between, they bring together the places, people and spirit that will take us to 2032. Distinctive. Unmistakably Queensland. And just a little bit cheeky.” For what it’s worth, I sorta like it.

NBA star Victor Wembanyama isn’t interested in promoting sports betting sites. “Absolutely not. I will never do that. Honestly, I think it’s very sad to see some players promote it. Everybody does whatever they want, but without me.” Bravo.

Matthew Hayden is not satisfied with the state of Australian cricket: “Where we are at is that we are promoting the greatest pile of mediocrity that we’ve seen in a generation of cricket. And you are piling up this dog shit explanation, and you are, in my opinion, disrespecting first class cricket. Absolutely dead set you are.”

In reply, Travis Head reaches for the long handle when it comes to such criticism from past players: “But that’s what they’re paid to do. Some of them need a job, so they go after us and that’s totally fine. This group is strong enough to deal with those sort of things. That’s how it is. It’s unfortunate sometimes to have some of that feedback from a generation of players that we have huge respect for, but that’s the caper.”

Lionel Messi after his 208th and final game for Argentina: “I would love to keep coming back forever, because playing for the Argentine national team is the most beautiful thing that can happen to you. The most beautiful thing. Now, inevitably, I face the saddest day of my career: saying goodbye to the national team.”

And now over to Cristiano Ronaldo who took his bat and ball and went home after he didn’t play in Portugal’s recent games: “I owe an apology to my national team teammates for having left the camp … I apologise to the Portuguese people once again, but a broken word has, for me, a defining impact … I decided to leave the training camp without waiting for any further broken promises.”

Coco Gauff on the online abuse she’s received: “It has been kind of draining, I’m not going to lie. I just turn off my phone and move on. I mean, there’s nothing you can do.”

Team of the week

Roosters. They were far from the best team all year but were – by the hairs of their chinny-chin-chin – the best on the only night that mattered.

South Sydney. On 30 July, in round 22, they put 50 points on the eventual NRL premiership winners, the Roosters, beating them 50-20. It is the first time in league history that a team which conceded 50 points at any time in the season went on to win the whole thing.

Wallabies. Take on the All Blacks on Saturday at Eden Park. TFF will be in da house, and reporting on it from the venue, for your pleasure.

New York Yankees. Where have you gone, Joe DiMaggio? Another year without a World Series.

RIP. Bruce Collins KC. Former president of The Primary Club, inaugural chairman of the Bradman Trust, and leading cricket and legal identity, passed away late September. The funeral will be at 1pm at St Jude’s Anglican Church, Bowral, to be followed by a celebration at Bradman Oval Pavilion. The Herald extends its deepest condolences to his wife Di, and family.